Lādana, UK – Makemake mākou e kala aku no ka hewa hewa ʻole i ka hiʻohiʻona o ka Lāpule i hala 10 Steps to a Stress-Free Summer. Ua poina iā mākou e hoʻokomo i ka "Mai hele i USA".
ʻO ka mea pōmaikaʻi, ua hoʻomanaʻo mai ʻo Michael Chertoff, ka luna baldie o ka Department of Homeland Securitisation, iā mākou ʻaʻole makemake ʻia mākou. A i ʻole, makemake ʻia mākou (no ka mea, lawe mai ka poʻe mākaʻikaʻi i nā kālā maikaʻi me lākou), akā inā mākou e lele i loko o ka nui o nā hoops i ke kaʻina hana.
Ua hōʻike ʻo Chertoff he kahua ʻo ʻEulopa no ka hoʻoweliweli. Ua ʻōlelo ʻo ia he mea nui e hoʻonui i ka nānā ʻana i nā mākaʻikaʻi. ʻAe, pololei, hoʻokiʻekiʻe iā lākou. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi, ʻaʻole ʻo ia i ʻōlelo, akā ke noʻonoʻo nei paha mākou, inā hiki i nā mea kipa āpau ke maikaʻi loa e noho ma ka home a hoʻouna wale aku i kā mākou kālā hoʻomaha i loko o kahi envelopp.
"Hāʻawi ka huakaʻi i ʻAmelika i nā ʻike e like me nā wahi ʻē aʻe ma ka honua." ʻO ia ka mea i ʻōlelo ʻia ma discoveramerica.com, ka punaewele huakaʻi a me ka mākaʻikaʻi o ʻAmelika Hui Pū ʻIa, a pololei loa. ʻAʻohe wahi ʻē aʻe e hiki ai i kahi malihini ke manaʻo i kahi hoʻokipa hau hau.
ʻO kahi e-interrogation preflight, nā queues epic ma ka neʻe ʻana, ka nīnau lehelehe lahilahi mai nā kiaʻi palena koʻikoʻi, a me kahi manawa i waho o ka ʻūhā ʻana o ka ʻāʻī ʻāʻī he ʻāpana o ka leʻaleʻa. No laila, inā makemake ʻo Chertoff lāua ʻo co e hoʻopaʻa hou aku iā Fortress America, ʻo ia ka manawa e noʻonoʻo ai mākou i nā koho hoʻomaha hoʻokipa ʻē aʻe. E like me Iran a me North Korea.
Eia kekahi mau mea ʻē aʻe e noʻonoʻo ai ma mua o kou hoʻopaʻa ʻana i kāu lele, wehe i kou kāmaʻa a hoʻāʻo e hōʻoia i ko mākou mau hoaaloha ma ka mokuʻāina ʻaʻole ʻoe i manaʻo i ka luku ʻana iā ʻAmelika, ua hele mai ʻoe no ka hamburger.
NUIOKA? E ho'āʻo iā Hong Kong
ʻAʻole hiki ke hoʻololi ʻia ʻo New York, akā pēlā ʻo Hong Kong, no laila e hoʻololi me kēlā. Ke neʻe aku nei, ua lanakila ka moku Star mai Kowloon i ka moku Mokupuni Staten a hiki i Manhattan. ʻO ka ʻike mai ka mimi ʻana ma Felix, ka hale hoʻokipa o ka hōkele ʻo Peninsula, ua like me ka mea mai luna o ka Pōhaku(efeller).
A ʻo ka mea nui loa, ʻo nā iPod ke kumu kūʻai like. ʻAe, pono ʻoe e noho ma ka mokulele no ʻelima mau hola, akā ʻaʻohe queues a i ʻole nā mīkina lima lima ma kēlā ʻaoʻao. Makemake ʻo Hong Kong i nā mākaʻikaʻi.
ʻO ka Peninsula (00 800 2828 3888, www.peninsula.com) nā hiʻohiʻona maʻamau a me nā Rolls-Royces, me nā lumi pālua e hoʻomaka ana ma £233. A i ʻole e hoʻāʻo i ka Philippe Starck-designed Jia Boutique Hotel (00 852 3196 9000, www.jiahongkong.com), ma Causeway Bay. Maikaʻi, akā ʻaʻole hoʻonāukiuki, ua pālua ia mai £130. E lele i Hong Kong me British Airways (0870 850 9850, www.ba.com) a i ʻole Virgin Atlantic (0870 380 2007, www.virgin-atlantic.com); mai ma kahi o £450.
DISNEYWORLD? Aia ma ka hikina o Parisa
Pehea e hoʻokele ai ʻo Johnny liʻiliʻi liʻiliʻi me ka ʻole o kāna hoʻohana ʻana i ka leʻaleʻa Floridian i hoʻokahi manawa i loko o ke ola? Ma ke kauo ʻana i Disneyland Paris ma kahi - ʻae, e like me ka Makua Kalikimaka, hiki iā Mickey Mouse ke noho ma nā wahi ʻelua i ka manawa hoʻokahi.
A, ma ka lele ʻana ma Eurostar ma mua o kahi 747, ke hōʻemi nei ʻoe i kāu kapuaʻi kalapona a me kou manawa o ka superhassle e pili ana i ka lawaiʻa. Hana ʻo Thomas Cook (www.thomascook.com) i nā pūʻolo maʻalahi mai St Pancras ʻālohilohi; mai £326pp no ʻekolu pō ma Disney's ʻekolu-hōkū Explorers Hotel, ma muli o ʻelua mau mākua a me ʻelua mau keiki (2-11 makahiki).
A i ʻole e hoʻokuʻu iā Disney a hoʻāʻo i kahi ʻano ʻē aʻe o ka ʻāina i ka ʻike pāka manaʻo. ʻO PortAventura (www. portaventura.co.uk), hoʻokahi hola mai Barcelona, ke hāʻawi aku nei i kahi huakaʻi ʻohana liʻiliʻi ma mua o nā kahua pāʻani nui ʻAmelika - a ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka meaʻai.
POPE? Hana maikaʻi lākou ma Sepania
ʻO ka mākaʻikaʻi ʻAmelika he akamai i ka hele ʻana i loko o ka pahu hoʻokalakupua ma ka hāʻule ʻana o kahi Stetson, no laila ʻaʻole maʻalahi ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi ʻike hānai holoholona maoli (ʻaʻole i maʻalahi nā mea keaka wannabe e hana hou ana i nā kiʻi pukey mai City Slickers). No ke aha e hele ʻole ai i kahi e noho kāne mau ai nā kāne a me nā paniolo e hoʻomau mau ana i nā bipi (e kūʻē i ka hoʻokele kaʻaahi mea pāʻani a puni ka OK Corral)?
ʻElua kāu koho (yeehah!): ka pampas Argentine a i ʻole Extremadura, ke komohana hihiu o Sepania. ʻO ka koho mua he hapalua o ka honua ma kahi mamao aku, akā hele mai me ka steak maikaʻi loa: kamaʻilio me Last Frontiers (01296 653000, www.last-frontiers.com) e pili ana i kahi huakaʻi gaucho i hana ʻia. ʻO kahi huakaʻi ʻewalu pō, me ʻehā pō he paniolo a ʻekolu ma Buenos Aires, hoʻomaka ma ka £1,995pp, me nā mokulele mai Heathrow.
ʻO ka ʻōlelo pili, aia ka lua o ka koho ma kou kīhāpai hope, akā he kīhāpai ʻāhiu a ulu nui loa ia – hui pū me nā vaqueros, ka pane ʻoi loa o Sepania i nā paniolo, ma o Ride World Wide (01837 82544, www.rideworldwide.com).
VEGAS, PEPE? Makau, aloha
A hiki i kēia manawa, ʻo kēlā me kēia casino ma kēia kolepa ʻo Pukiki mua i hoʻohana ʻia e ke kanaka hoʻokahi - ʻo ka ʻoihana ʻo Hong Kong ʻo Stanley Ho - a ua kau ʻia kā lākou lawelawe i ka mea piliwaiwai Kina. A laila ua hoʻololi ka poʻe Kina i nā lula, e ʻae ana i nā billionaires o Las Vegas ʻo Steve Wynn lāua ʻo Sheldon Adelson e hoʻokumu i kahi hale kūʻai.
ʻElua makahiki ma hope mai, ua uhi ʻo Macau i ka ʻohana Lost Wages ma ka hāʻawi ʻana i nā casinos glitzier i mea e nalowale ai kāu kālā, nā croupiers nani e lawe mai iā ʻoe a me nā hōkele fancier kahi e uē ai iā ʻoe iho e hiamoe. Haʻalele iā Las Vegas i Bette Midler a hele i ka hikina.
ʻO Macau he 55 mau minuke ferry hop mai Hong Kong (£18 hoʻi, me Turbojet, www.turbojet.com.hk; no nā mokulele, e ʻike ma luna), āu i koho mua ai ma mua o New York. E noho ma kahi o ka Wynn wale nō (00 853 2888 9966, www.wynnmacau.com; pālua mai £150).
ALANUI EKAHI? Hana i ka mana wiglier
He makani i kou lauoho, ʻāwili ma hope o ka ʻalihi bitumen maikaʻi ma mua ou, e kaʻa ana i nā nalu ma kou ʻākau: aia kekahi ala e hoʻokuʻu ʻia e like me ke Alanui Hoʻokahi o Kaleponi? ʻAe – ua kapa ʻia ʻo Great Ocean Road, a holo ma ke komohana mai Melbourne. He ʻuʻuku ka liʻiliʻi o ke kaʻa, a ʻaʻole loa ʻoe e loaʻa kahi manawa e kū ai i kahi niho niho Arnold Schwarzenegger ma ka hale cafe.
Akā, ua pololei ʻoe, ua mamao loa ʻo Australia e kūʻē i ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa huakaʻi a Mr Chertoff. Pehea e pili ana i ka Amalfi, Alanui Hoʻokahi i hoʻokuʻu ʻia, hoʻoulu ʻia a lawelawe ʻia me ka cornetto? ʻO ia ka bumper iā Cinquecento bumper i ke kauwela, no laila e hele i ka hoʻomaka o Mei a i ka hopena o Kepakemapa. Hiki iā Citalia (0871 664 0253, www.citalia.com) ke hoʻoponopono iā ʻoe me kahi kaʻa a me ʻeono mau pō 'elima hōkū noho mai £899pp, e noho ana ma Positano a me Amalfi, lele mai Gatwick me British Airways. A i ʻole e hana iā ʻoe iho: ʻo nā mokulele e lele ana i Naples me Thomsonfly (www.thomsonfly.com) a me EasyJet (www.easyjet.com). Loaʻa iā Travelsupermarket.com ka hoʻolimalima kaʻa i hoʻokahi pule mai £122.
ASPEN? He posher ʻo St. Moritz
Ua hoʻokumu ka Swiss resort i ka manaʻo o nā lā hau hau no nā posh i ka makahiki 19. ʻO Aspen he johnny i hele mai i kēia mau lā ma ka hoʻohālikelike ʻana - ʻaʻohe mea e hoʻohālikelike i nā hana extracurricular i hāʻawi ʻia i kāna hoʻokūkū ʻEulopa, e like me ka Cresta Run a me nā pāʻani polo ma ka hau.
He chalet ko Descent International (020 7384 3854, www.descent.co.uk) ma laila e hoʻokūkū ai i nā hale kaulana loa ma Aspen – ʻo Chesa Albertini palatial, i kūkulu ʻia ma 1655 a nona ka ʻohana like mai ia manawa mai. Hoʻokahi pule, e hōʻea ana i ka lā 9 o Malaki, he £30,700 no ka pāʻina a hiki i ka 12 (me nā keiki ʻehā), me ka meaʻai a me ka champagne kahe manuahi.
Inā makemake ʻoe i nā pistes ʻole o ʻAmelika ʻĀkau, ma mua o kona ʻano nohona kaulana, e hoʻāʻo iā Kanada. E lele i Calgary a hele i kahi huakaʻi ma waena o nā wao nahele o nā Rockies a me British Columbia. Aia ka hoʻopuehu ʻana o nā hale hoʻokipa ma laila – Kicking Horse, Lake Louise, Fernie, Panorama – e hoʻohālike ai ʻo ʻAmelika me ke alanui ʻo Oxford ma ke ahiahi Pōʻaono. Loaʻa nā pūʻolo ma o Frontier Travel (020 8776 8709, www.frontier-travel.co.uk).
He aha e lawe ʻia mai kēia ʻatikala:
- American tourism has a knack of spiralling into toe-curling theme-parkery at the drop of a Stetson, so finding a genuine ranching experience (free from wannabe actors recreating pukey scenes from City Slickers) isn't easy.
- In fact, it would be really, really great, he didn't say, but was probably thinking, if all we prospective visitors could be so good as to stay at home and just send our holiday money over in an envelope.
- The view from the urinals at Felix, the Peninsula hotel's penthouse bar, is just as jaw-dropping as the one from the Top of the Rock(efeller).
